A few years ago, I was asked to mediate a million-dollar lawsuit against a church and its denomination. It took us almost a year just to get the nine parties and their four attorneys into the same room. We spent three long days listening to harsh accusations and painful testimony. But on the fourth day there was an incredible breakthrough and an astonishing resolution of the case that left a non-Christian attorney in tears.

That breakthrough came about because each of the parties began practicing one of the key principles we’re going to study in this course. That same principle helped me to change a habit in my life that had caused repeated conflict with my wife, Corlette, for 28 years. It also played a key role in my father’s salvation just hours before he died.

Would you like to know what that principle is? I hope so, because it is woven throughout this course and forms the foundation for relational wisdom. We’ll get to that in a little while …

But first … a lawsuit, a marriage, salvation … as these three diverse examples show, God’s relational principles are like an “operating system for life.” Just as your computer’s operating system controls all of your other programs, your basic relational skills profoundly affect every relationship in your life. This can be either good or bad. If your computer’s operating system is functioning properly, all of your other programs will perform well. But if that operating system has been corrupted, nothing on your computer will work as it should.

The same thing goes for our relationships. If our relational skills are weak, all of our relationships will suffer. But if we learn and apply the relational skills set forth in God’s word, every area of life will improve: our worship of God, our friendships, our marriages, our parenting, even our workplace performance and career advancement will all improve.

That is what this course is all about: helping you upgrade your relational operating system and enjoying fulfilling relationships in every area of your life. Let’s start this process by answering a few key questions.

First, what is relational wisdom? In essence, relational wisdom, or RW for short, is your ability to love God with all your heart and to love your neighbor as yourself.

Of course, this is exactly what Jesus calls us to do in Matthew 22:37-39 where he gives the two commands that summarize all of God’s law. “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, strength and soul … and love your neighbor as yourself.” These commandments are 100% about relationships.

Jesus makes the same point in John 13:34-35, where he says: “A new commandment I give you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know you are my disciples if you have love for one another.”

Jesus calls this a new commandment, but it is actually a very old commandment, given hundreds of years earlier in Deuteronomy 6. So, why does Jesus call it a new commandment? It is those words, “as I have loved you.” Through his teaching, life and sacrifice, Jesus has raised the bar on relationships. He has shown us that relationships sometimes require great personal sacrifice: putting our pride to death, admitting our wrongs, forgiving others and blessing them with acts of undeserved mercy.

Relational wisdom can also be defined in more modern terms. We can say that relational wisdom is your ability to discern emotions, interests and abilities in yourself and others, to interpret them in the light of God’s word, and to use these insights to manage your responses and relationships constructively.

Here’s a second question: Why is relational wisdom worth pursuing?

First, because life is all about relationships. In Genesis 2:18, God says it is not good that man should be alone. That is not talking just about marriage, it is talking about human nature in general. We are designed for relationship, for community.

In 1 Corinthians 1:9, the apostle Paul says that God has called us into relationship … into fellowship with his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.

In John 3:16, Jesus says, “God so loved the world that he gave his only son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” God is so committed to relationship that he was willing to lay down the life of his precious Son to secure our relationship not only with him, but also with people around us.

There’s a second reason to pursue relational wisdom. It is because relationships are precious gifts God entrusts to us with the expectation that we will use them as opportunities to show his love and multiply the number of people who will enjoy him forever.

In Matthew 25:14-30, Jesus tells a parable to reinforce this concept. He talks about a king who gives talents or bags of gold or resources to his servants, and he says, “Invest these resources for me, and I will come back someday and see what you did with them.” The parable goes on to say that the servants, who went out and gained more resources, are the ones whom the king commended.

What resource does God give us that is more precious to him than people? Nothing! Every relationship we have, whether in our home, church, office or the checkout line at the grocery story is an opportunity to relate to other people, to love and encourage them the way God loves us, and through those relationships, to draw people into a saving relationship with Jesus Christ.